L O S T

I have been completely MIA

Lost in a world that’s surrounded by people!

I don’t mean to be and I don’t mean just on my blog either!

I mean I literally haven’t seen any of my friends in over a month. My sons first birthday has been and gone and I have barely seen anyone outside my immediate family. I constantly make excuses to be alone with just my children.

I can’t explain why I’ve not chosen to be this way! I just get things done in the day. See to my babies then I want to shut off the world. Not even check my phone or social media.

To put it bluntly I literally couldn’t be bothered with anyone or anything that I didn’t need too.

And I’ve hated it.

I need to snap out of it.

Reach out and talk to people about what’s going on inside my head, instead of bottling it up and becoming a recluse.

I’m trying.

I’ve so many ideas for new posts and I promise they’ll come.

Sorry for being rubbish! ♥️

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Children’s mental health…

Something that always worries me, more so as my daughter gets older, is children’s mental health.

Now I don’t want my child to be one of these people who can’t take a joke or banter, as it’s commonly known these days. But I also am terrified of the influence social media has on this generation too!

I haven’t let my (just turned) 9 year old have a phone as I believe her to be FAR to young. I wasn’t allowed a mobile phone until I went to high school and I’ve told my little girl she can have the same. But it’s far less acceptable these days as a LOT of her school friends already have them.

Is it me? Am I just a horrid mum?

I was a self confessed lover of social media when I first discovered it, but over the years I saw the damage it has done to people. And although I do also see the benefits too I think it’s something you shouldn’t be introduced to until as late in life as possible. Nowadays I avoid social media as much as possible, I use it just to keep in touch with distant friends and family. The reason being I spent a long time comparing my life to others, but really we have no idea what’s going on beyond anybody’s screen. No one is posting their failures and set backs.

The only posts I seem to see are perfect looking men and women with perfect bodies, glorifying something inappropriate or promoting new make up brands and designer clothing. It reallyyyyyyyy bugs me. I just don’t want my daughter at 9 to compare herself to anybody else. Or to believe that her own natural beauty isn’t beautiful. Because natural beauty is SO RARE these day. And I never want her to feel insecure down to something I can, for now at least, control.

That’s just one part of my fears over mental health and children though.

My second point is the pressure schools put onto children these days, so many targets to meet at such a young age. And I am fully aware how important education is but social skills, being street smart and knowing how to cope with hormones and feelings are far more appropriate to be teaching the youth of today, in my opinion?!

Life in the world is these days just makes me feel like no matter how hard I try I cannot prevent my little girl from feeling overwhelmed and constantly under pressure. I worry so much because I have a history of mental illness in my family and also in her father’s. And at 13 when I first had a run in with my mental health I only wish I’d known how to deal with it better. So here I am trying to get to get more clued up!

I’ve just bought my Little Girl a book aimed at children between 9-12 called looking after your mental health. But it’s child appropriate and shows ways of coping with feeling etc. I will do another blog when we’ve finished it, upto now she’s very much enjoying it.

So I feel like I’ve rambled rather a lot and missed out so much I was wanting to say 😂

But I’ve written this in the waiting room whilst attending a hospital appointment and my mind has drawn a blank! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you for reading though, and if anybody has any child friendly tips on discussing mental health I’d love to hear them. 🖤

#mentalhealth #meanthalhealthinchildren #kidshealth

Unable to sleep.

For the past week or so, it’s been a nightmare

I’ve been waking up with my little one routinely around midnight, which is normal. Baby goes back to sleep then usually it’s my turn.

But the lately I’ve literally not been physically able to get back to sleep. I try everything. I avoid my phone, try reading, relaxing music, counting sheep, the lot. But nothing works. I just lay in silence watching the curtains become a little lighter as the sun creeps up.

And I say I’m laid on silence, the house is silent. There’s no physical noise, but the noise inside my head is so loud that no matter how hard I try to sleep, my brain will not allow it. It’s becoming an issue as I’m literally sleeping around 3/4 hours (broken) a night.

I’m having horrendous thoughts about members of family dying and I cannot rationalise it. I’ve literally planned almost every member of my families funeral. And every time I can’t shake that awful sensation of fear and dread. There’s no reason for me to be thinking anything along these lines. There’s been no recent trauma or drama and yet my brains wired to act as though there has been.

It’s a tough road trying to work out why these things happen and it’s all just part of the battle with mental health. But honestly.

It’s

So

Draining 😫

Just a number? 💭

We’re all just numbers to everyone, aren’t we?

I was invited to a christening of my youngest sisters friends daughter 🙄

So I know the girl but I wouldn’t class her as a friend. And I woke up this morning feeling like crap, the ‘time of the month’ fast approaching, and I decided I wasn’t up to going.

I said to my partner, almost in jest,

I’m not gonna go to the christening today, I’ve only been invited to get numbers up. Im just a number go everybody.

Then I thought more on it, and the more I thought about it the more I realised, it’s really kinda true.

It all just depends we’re we sit on other people’s priority list.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since I said it and genuinely believe it to be true. I feel like we all prioritise people in order of importance.

For instance, for me my kids always are top of the list of priorities. Making sure they’re healthy and happy is my main goal in life.

Then my parents and siblings. I’d do anything for them and I know they would me. We’re a family that have a super close knit relationship and a bond that I will cherish forever.

Then my friends, but not just friends as in the people who we grew up with or went to school with, but the real honest raw friendships, they’re fiercely loyal and you can always count on them. You’d trust them with the lives of your babies, I have very few of these close friends but I adore the select few I do have.

So you get the idea, without even necessarily meaning to, we all assign people in our lives a number as to were they stand in our lives.

But the more I’ve thought about it the more I realised, it’s not really a bad thing?

If in general we all do it. I can’t begrudge someone for having me low on their list when in reality they’re about the same position on my own list.

Ah priories…..

Or is this just a quick way to get myself uninvited from parties and events? 🧐

#priorities #lists #numbers #randomblog

another book📚

So I’m currently still reading ‘Happy’ but I ordered this book a few weeks back and it arrived yesterday! I must say I’m quite excited to start this one, having read a review that said,

Anyone who has ever felt a struggle with mental health should read this book. Darkly funny but deeply comforting.

This reached out to me. I love humour. It’s one of the things that keeps me sane in day to day life. I can find humour almost anywhere and so this book sounded like it would be perfect reading material for me!

Again I’ll keep you posted on my thoughts.

#newbook #mentalhealth #madgirl #excited #book

I hate the world we live in!

The title pretty much says it all…but I’ll name a few reasons as to why!

  • Social Media I am soooooo done with they social media hype! I’m not sure what the obsession is with watching people’s every move on social media? It’s the worst example for the youth of today! This subject deserves a post of its own! It’s on it’s way….🤯
  • Mental health stigma okay, this ones improved a lot in my life time. I lost a very close member of family to depression when I was younger, I never understood. It took a long time to grasp the severity of desperation a person must feel in order to not want to be here anymore. I don’t think anyone will ever fully understand unless they’ve faced it themselves. But education is key and I feel like there still could be more to reach out to those suffering! Small steps….🥺 I’m currently taking a course to understand about more mental health, as a sufferer I think it’s important to try and keep yourself informed on what to look out for in terms of your own mood. We all feel blue at times but when do you go from feeling blue to being depressed? This is what I want people to be educated on. It’s a super intense and touch subject that again I’ll come back to at a later date 📝
  • Judgements we’ve alllllllll made an instant judgement on somebody and been proved to be completely wrong. Anyone who says they haven’t is a liar. But most of us learn from it. The old saying ‘never judge a book by its cover’ comes into play here. I haate how judgemental people are these days. It’s become almost like bullying, your instantly judged for how you dress, for how your make up looks, if your even wearing make up, how tidy your hair looks. FUCK this mentality! Get to know people for who they are. I want my kids to grow up meeting and making friends with people from all walks of life and not based on such insignificant factors! 🧐
  • Knife crime is on the rise. Hugely. No matter what area of the UK you reside in, you’ll no doubt have noticed a shocking increase in the number of stabbings. You only have to turn the tv or radio on and you’ll hear of another stabbing. Possibly a fatal one. It makes me sick. What happened to people fighting with their fists? I mean I’m a lover not s fighter and always have been but if there’s an issue between people can they not resolve it without plunging a sharp object into another persons body! It never fails to shock me that people can even do that to another human! 😫

For today I’m gonna leave it there, but this barely scratches the surface of some of the thoughts and opinions held prisoner in my mind!

I’ll be sure to unload some more again soon, but for now stay safe and be happy! 🖤

#society #hatetheworld #issues #judgement #socialmedia #mentalhealth #rant #blog #newblogger

Happy journal.

Today I’m beginning this book… Fearne Cotton ‘Happy’. Its a journey to discover what happiness really is, to each of us personally.

I chose Fearne Cottons’s book over the many others as she’s someone I’ve always admired. She always seemed so confident and outgoing. Almost carefree. She can take banter and give as good as she gets! Of course I’ve only ever seen Fearne Cotton as her tv personality and don’t know her personally, so I’m intrigued to read an account of her version of happiness as to me she always seems it!

I will review it upon finishing and if anyone’s got an opinion on it having read this one or perhaps another one, I’d love to hear some?

Finding joy in every day and letting go of perfect ✨

#FearneCotton #happy #happyjournal #positive #blog #book